Hey guys! It's been a while, but I finally have something that I want to say!! Sooo let's go~
I recently celebrated my 1-year anniversary from graduating college. I'm definitely proud of myself and everything that I've accomplished this past year, but I'm not exactly where I wanted to be. My place after graduating was to move back home to live with my parents for a few months, save some money, then move to Korea and try and make things work there. But then my sister got pregnant and I wanted to be around when my niece arrived. Family has always been important to me and growing up away from my aunts, uncles, and cousins, I don't want my nieces and nephews to feel the same way I did/do with mine. I want to be a part of their lives, and unfortunately being away in college I did miss a few milestones in their lives already. So, I stayed home longer, got a job and recently got promoted at that job. Again, I'm very thankful for all of that, but in the end, I'm still not in Korea.
At the same time though, it's been about 2 years since I began my application for my F4 visa. I requested and received all of the documentation that I need from my adoption agency, and my other official documentation from my adoption ready. The ONLY, and I mean only, thing that I haven't finished is taking passport pictures. That's the only thing. It takes 5 minutes to do that, but it's taken me almost 2 years to do that. Of course, I've been thinking about all of my inner hidden thoughts on why I haven't taken 5 minutes out of any of my past 730 days of living to take these photos and send off my application. Do I not want to go to Korea anymore? Do I think I won't be successful in Korea? Am I scared of the idea of moving to Korea? Am I scared that Korea might not live up to my thoughts and feelings that I have right now? I've thought about the answers to all of these questions for weeks now, and I still can't figure out why. I honestly cannot grasp my mind of why I haven't done anything further in the process to move to Korea.
Maybe I am scared, but I've convinced myself that I'm not. Or I've convinced myself that I don't need to be afraid, but I am afraid, but because I've convinced myself I'm not afraid even thought I am afraid I actually think that I'm not afraid even thought I am. Who knows....but I think it's definitely time for me to figure it out and make a decision. To leave a job that pays well and that I like to go to a job and country that may not live up to my expectation? Or to be fearless and just take chances and try new things? I think that what I want to do, is not what my mind is letting me do. My mind is wrapped up in "adulting" that I can only think about stability, making sure my loans and bills are paid. Have I really reached the point in my life that I'm putting off my dreams so that I can remain comfortable?
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