Relationships

Hello everyone~ I hope you're all doing well. Recently I started to think about my relationships. My relationships with peers, family members, coworkers, every one. It was very interesting to me.


Relationships with Peers

Let's see, my longest friendship was about 4 years maybe? It was from preschool through about first grade and then my best friend moved to a different state. Of course we attempted to keep in touch via mail, but it didn't last. We lost contact with each other. We moved on in our lives. That was almost 15 years ago. In those 15 years I haven't had a single friendship that I can remember where we kept in contact with each other and remained friends for more than 2 or 3 years maximum. I think my best friend now in college is going on 3 years this spring semester and it's one of the few friendships where I can see it lasting in the future.

Relationships with Family Members

My sisters and I are 10 and 13 years apart. We have quite a big age gap so growing up, we didn't really make a good, strong, healthy relationship. Now that I'm 21 and beginning to start my life as an adult, we have been able to begin our relationship, but even then we aren't as close as most siblings are. The way they were raised was different from the way I was raised.
My relationship with my father isn't exactly the best of the best either. When I was younger we had a stronger relationship. I remember going on father-daughter dates when he would come back home Friday nights. It was the only time I got to really see and hang out with him since he traveled every week for work.
My relationship with my mother is probably the strongest relationship I have, but even then we've been growing apart. I'm not really sure why, but she's still the woman I will call no matter what I have gotten myself in. Most children would want to hide their drunken mistakes, or other mistakes in life, but she's probably the first or second person I tell.

Relationships with Coworkers.

I have almost no relationship with my coworkers...I keep coworkers in a separate section in my life where I don't usually hang out with or see them outside of work. Work is work and those relationships stay in the work place.

Relationships with the Male Species.

Let's just say...I have a great eye for picking dumb-asses. If any of y'all are reading this blog...I'm sorry, but let's face it...we weren't good for each other. Things ended between us because a long the way, someone didn't communicate or our relationship was made uncomfortable. Most of the time it was my fault. I didn't communicate to you when something that was said made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't tell you that the way you were talking to me when you had a girlfriend was not right. I didn't stop myself from liking you even when I knew I would end up being the one hurt. I didn't take a chance when everything seemed perfect because I was scared that you'd leave me. I wasn't there for you the way you wanted me to be there for you. At the same time though, no man should ever talk the way that you talked me like. No man should be talking to another woman the way you talked to me when they were dating someone else. No man should pursue another woman and sway their minds and hearts when they are in a relationships.

Relationships work in this weird way that if they somehow go wrong, it is always viewed as the other person did something wrong. That we never doing anything wrong, it is always the other person. That's complete bologna though and you know it. When relationships go wrong, it's because of both parties in some way. There is blame on both parties. But being scared of relationships failing and allowing that fear to control you and makes you become this person that doesn't allow anyone in isn't right either. Human beings survive on human interaction. We need a certain amount to be able to survive. We can't be afraid of the what-ifs. I can't be afraid of the what-ifs. The pain I still feel from being hurt by past friendships, past relationships, still remains in my memories. But if I continue to let them control me how will I be able to truly move past and be willing to take another chance on someone? Take another chance on building real friendships that aren't just scratching-the-surface of each other? I won't. I won't be able to find the will in myself to do it. That's a scary thought though for me. To remain in this world without friends or someone by my side that I can live the rest of my life with. It feels so lonely to even think about it. Loneliness is scarier to me...it makes me fear the future more than relationships.