"I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."
-Robin Williams
"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."
-Robin Williams
"Please don't worry so much, because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day..make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular."
-Robin Williams in the movie Jack
Someone recently shared the first quote by Robin Williams in a group that I am in and it made me miss Robin Williams all over again. He was a man that made so many people laugh, cry, smile, dream, happy....he made my such a big influence on my childhood. I remember I would watch and marathon the movies that I could watch at a young age over and over again. When I'd watch his movies, I'd realize that it wasn't important to be someone you weren't. It was important to always be there person you are inside. No matter how much society would look down on you, judge you, hate you. Caring about what others say makes you not you....you begin to hide thoughts and ideas because you don't want others to look down on you. You conform to what everyone else is telling you to be. You surround yourself with people who don't really know the real you, they only know the you that society has created. You begin to feel alone...broken....I've been there. I'm sure all of us have been there at some point and time in our lives. Any time we changed ourselves to please someone else, we lost our true selves in our true form. We begin to rely on others to give our lives meaning. But when we lose the people who gave our life that meaning...we are broken. Then eventually after time we put ourselves back together and repeat the cycle. We keep repeating the cycle so much so, that some of us stray so far from the person we actually are that we begin to see the person that we are in that moment as us. We change our norm.
This year, I realized, is the year that things will change. Not in the stereotypical sense that everyone says when a new year starts, but in the sense that I can feel in my bones that things in my life are really going to change. I can feel that I'm going to go through a loss bigger than the loss that I felt last year. I'm going to have a lot of goodbyes and a lot of hellos, a lot of tears, a lot of smiles, a lot of laughter and a lot of stress. I'll probably drink more than I should on some nights and refrain from drinking on nights I need a drink...I can feel the change though...the change inside of me that is opening my eyes to everything and everyone around me. I don't know where this change will take me...but in the end...I know this change is making the person that I truly am on the inside. No more hiding. No more changing to fit in. I'm going to grasp a tight hold of the little spark of madness inside of myself and follow it. Dream up things I never thought I could or would, and fulfill everything that I put my mind to. I will make this year the year that the world sees me for me.
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