Let's Get Serious.

Today my god sister got married. I'm so happy for her to begin this new chapter of her life. The new journey that she is about to start.
As I sat there watching her promise to her husband in front of all these people that she will love him forever and remain by his side until death do them part, it hit me that I may never be able to do that. To be able to stand in front of my friends and family and proclaim that I will remain by someones side until we died. It isn't because I don't want to, but because I don't think I can ever let my guard down. 

Don't get me wrong, when I was younger, I dreamt about my wedding day. Wearing a strapless A-line white wedding dress with lace on the top, a pale pink ribbon tied around my waist, a vale covering my face hiding the small amount of tears that were building up as I walked down the aisle to my husband, with my arm around my father's arm. By the time I was 12, I had my whole wedding planned. I knew what center pieces I wanted, what flowers, what color scheme it would be, where it would be, who I would invite, I had every single detail planned..except for the man that I would marry. As I continued to grow up though, I slowly began to forget about my plans for my wedding. I kept getting told that I wasn't pretty, I wasn't ever going to have someone love me and that I was too much to handle to get married. I remember talking to someone, and this person denies ever saying this to me, but she told me that she didn't think I was ever going to get married because I was too independent. Normally I wouldn't think too much of it, but the person that told me this meant so much to me in my life. I remember the disappointment I felt when those words came out of her mouth. I was maybe 13 or 14 when she told me that and from that moment on, I stopped dreaming of getting married. 

When you're constantly being told those kinds of things, that you aren't pretty, no one would ever like or love you, and other things to that extent by people of the other sex that you like, you begin feeling and believing what they tell you. You begin believing that you really aren't pretty no matter how much make up you have on, you begin to hide your face, look at the ground, ignore and look past the people that are right in front of you. And then when people start telling you that you're pretty, that you're perfect, that you're beautiful, it contradicts every thing that you've ever been told and you go into this moment of chaos. You don't know which thing is true and which thing is false. Then you add in society and the way the corporations shove down people throats that they have to look a certain way to be pretty, beautiful, sexy and it gets even more confusing and frustrating. 

I'm not one to believe what people tell me when they say I look pretty, or beautiful or sexy, I take it with a very very very small grain of salt, but at the same time a small part of me is happy. Especially when it comes from someone that I like, in both friendships and relationships, but me being my over-thinking self I talk myself into this negative downfall. That they didn't really mean it, they only said it because of how I did my make up, or how I dressed, or how my hair looked. When I go into the downfall it's hard for me to pick myself up sometimes. It's harder for me to believe it when some people say things like that and I believe it, but then I hear them talking about someone in a negative way when they said the same things the moment before to that persons face. 

Sometimes I just want to have a genie and make one of my wishes to be that I can see myself the way others see me. See myself for the beauty I have and not that flaws that I see every time I look in the mirror. Maybe then would I be able to love myself and see that I am truly beautiful and realize that I do in fact deserve love and deserve to be happy. Beyonce put it best, "Perfection is the disease of the Nation." To strive for perfection that society tells you, means you're not seeing the perfection that you already have within yourself. 

I challenge you, my readers, and myself to look at ourselves in the mirror and for every flaw we see and point out to ourselves, we find and point out 3 perfections and things we love about ourselves. Tell our reflections, that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WE ARE LOVABLE. Don't let someone else make you believe that you aren't either of those things, because you are. You are BEAUTIFUL and you are LOVABLE.