Things I'm Thankful for during National Adoption Month,

 **DISCLAIMER** EVERYTHING BELOW IS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND MY OWN THOUGHTS ON THIS TOPIC. I KNOW MY STORY IS NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S STORY OR EVERYONE ELSE'S POINT OF VIEW. PLEASE RESPECT MY OPINION AS I WILL RESPECT YOURS AND IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO SAY THAT IS NOT DEMEANING OR DISRESPECTFUL PLEASE SHARE IN THE COMMENTS.

I don't know what to even title this post....

Recently I was participating in group messaging conversation with adoptees from other asian countries. Though most of us in the group are Korean-American adoptees, some are Chinese adoptees living in European countries and in America as well. Something that came up in conversation was how majority of us hadn't really ever eaten our heritage foods until we were older. And then I had an epiphany....

Things change and that's okay.

Hello all my beautiful and handsome readers! I know it's been some time since I have written in here, I know I promised I'd be better at writing and everything, just I've been so busy lately that I just haven't had the time. ANYWAYS~ I hope y'all are all doing well and nooooow it's story time~ haha

KAT: Knowing And Thinking

Hello readers! So today I decided that I'm going to start a new corner of my blog. Where I will discuss topics that are popular and will share my point of view. I wanted to start this because recently I have realized that I have a lot of opinions on certain topics and would like to share them with y'all, but to distinguish it from my normal blog where I discuss my personal life and whatnot. SOOOOO, 1..2..3...LEGGO~!

I am transracial. Rachel Dolezal is not.

Up until recently, transracial was term that was used for people who were adopted from a certain culture and ethnicity by a family of a different culture and ethnicity. I don't want to give more attention to her name, but I want to make it clear that the use of this term is offensive to people who are truly transracial. 

I did it!

Hello to all my readers out there! I hope y'all are having a wonderful day. I finally graduated from my university with my B.A in Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus in Behavioral Science and Math Education! I am not going to lie, I had some pretty difficult times in my four years, but I did it. I changed my major from Civil Engineering to Education to INTS, but you know I did it because I needed to. Becoming a teacher is all that I have ever wanted to become and to change my major to something other than Education was hard for me. But I did it and now I have the ability to go and teach English in Korea. I can go and do what I love, but also help change and make some of the changes that I want to see in the South Korean government and adoption agencies.

My Dance Group

To my dancers:

Is a name just a name?

박여라. Park Yu-ra. 박유라. Park Yu-ra. They're both romanized the same, so which one is my correct name? According to my records in Korea, 박여라 is the correct spelling of my name (pronounced as park yoh-rah). According to my mind and my heart, 박유라 is my name (pronounced as park yoo-rah). As an adoptee, one of the first questions that one might have, is what was my name? Lucky for me, my family decided to keep my Korean name in my American name as one of my middle names. I grew up with one way of saying my name. I was told my multiple people that my name was pronounce with a yoo sound for the first syllable, however when I went to Korea I learned that that wasn't the case. You wouldn't think that something as small as a name would make a big difference for a person, but it does.

Baby Box.

Everything that I want to say about this topic, I don't think I could ever fully say and voice. I've been really conflicted and I'm still conflicted, but I know that I will figure everything out and I will be a change. I will make a change.

First Published Essay for Dillon International

Earlier this year I was asked to write my story for my adoption agency here in America. They began a blog for their website that tells and shows what they do for their adoptees. This was what I submitted and was published on their blog.

Thank You.

Do you ever....

Just wish that everything could disappear. Every thing that you have, every person that you know, every memory that you have, absolutely everything would disappear and you could start completely over.

21 years young

This past Saturday I found out that my freshman year roommate passed away. She was only 21 years old. I hadn't really spoken to her after I moved out of our apartment half way through the semester. The last time I remember talking to her, it was when her father passed away. We weren't ever really that close though...even when we did live together...I was always busy and not at the apartment. I knew enough about her though to know that she was a beautiful person inside and out. She cared about all of her friends and would do anything for them. She had a lot of life to live and she was an unbelievably strong woman. 

Change

Hello all~ I hope every one has been well. Sorry I haven't written for some time. I've been busy with school now that my semester has begun. I haven't really had a lot to write about either, I've just become really numb and have gone into my routine that I go into when school is in session. Sleep, eat, study, class, dance, sleep, study, repeat everything all of again. I really need more hours in a day.

they come and they go

For me , being in a relationship is something serious. I don't just go into relationships just for fun. I think that to be in a relationship, you have to be able to see yourself with that person for a long time. I think for someone my age, I take relationships more serious than most people my age. I also find it hard for me to start a relationship with someone that's already a friend.

Sometimes

Sometimes I just want to let go of everything. Forget everything, forget what it likes to feel happy, to feel those small butterflies when you begin to like someone, forget the words people say to me. Just be alone and just listen to music, swim in the ocean, sit in a hammock and stare at the sky. I don't want to keep being let down and I don't want to keep allowing myself to be let down. But I do.

Maybe

Looking and thinking of all the blogs I have written, maybe I need to just self reflect on my life.

when will i ever LEARN

I should've known...why did I let myself feel this way...I'm so unbelievably stupid.

this is ALL you are to me.

I was looking through some groups for adoptees, recently I have gotten a lot more interested in the adoptee community and adoption in general. My senior thesis paper is actually going to be over international adoption. Anyways back to the point. I was reading the description one of the adoptee groups, and in that description is states "Please refrain from using the word "birth" mother, "birth" father. This rhetoric and labeling--which perpetuates a stigma and discrimination against parents--has been purposely coined by the adoption professionals. The result is that it reduces parents down to a "function," which serves the industry. Parents of adoption loss prefer the terms of first, natural, original (or no precursor at all)."

History Repeats Itself.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my relationships. Most of my blog entries are about relationships, finding love, letting things go from the past, everything in that general area of life. 

Let's Get Serious.

Today my god sister got married. I'm so happy for her to begin this new chapter of her life. The new journey that she is about to start.

this year WILL be DIFFERENT

"I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone."

-Robin Williams

To Forgive and Forget.

"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

What I Really Meant to Say

I'm Sorry 

I'm Sorry I'm Scared.

Relationships are necessary for human life. I have learned that. I have experienced life with only interacting with one or two people at most. It isn't something that I enjoyed experiencing and thinking back on my past I don't want to go back to that moment.

Happy New Year!

It's the first day of the new year and most of us begin making a list or resolutions. A new year long to-do list that we will probably forget about until next December.I usually am one of those people.